montreal moment
changing thru chapters
happy last day of february?!?! already?!?! i don’t understand. but currently i’m eating dumplings at SC’s annual LNY dumpling party, so i’m happy :)
long weekend in montreal
when i left for work friday morning, bag packed for montreal, i had some whispers of thoughts that the impending snow storm on sunday might cause me issues. i had some work to do for my part time cybersecurity job, so i brought that computer with me, and went along my day.
i arrived in montreal to beautiful dry snow, and CK’s apartment full of people and laughter. a bunch of her friends were spending the night at her apt that night, and when i arrived around 11pm, they were getting ready to go out to the club. i was immediately thrown into the friend group social dynamic :) which i loved; they had so much warm energy, were inclusive, funny, and gay <3 <3
things that felt special
CK’s 2-bd room apt (one is a guest bedroom/office) has ample space to comfortably host FOUR people sleeping over! of which i was one
CK’s kitchen was perfectly sized — everything felt scaled down to my height, so everything was easily within reach. compared to my own kitchen, where everything is giant and too high for me to reach, it was a relief
no one was phased by the cold. it was probably 20 degrees on friday night, and it didn’t seem to even cross their minds that they’d go out clubbing. reminded me of the truth that things don’t matter as much if you just don’t think about them!
becoming a better backgammon player
there’s a (currently snowy) mountain in the city?! so sick
truly such a queer squad <3 reminded me of my queerness, too, even though i’m prob pretty straight passing these days
working remotely for the first time (in this job)
because of the blizzard, my return to nyc was pushed back 2 days, meaning i left montreal on tuesday afternoon instead of sunday evening. it wasn’t snowing in montreal, but all flights in/out of nyc were cancelled for sunday and monday. i’m thanking all the gods that i had a computer with me, so i could still work remotely monday and tuesday.
the last time i worked remotely was on thursday 2/12, for my cybersecurity job day-long audit. (for this, i took PTO from my actual job.) the time before that that i worked a full day of work remotely was last april, the day i got fired from my evil job. all to say, while i sometimes do some work for my cybersecurity job here and there, it had been a longgggg time since i had to do a whole work day from home. it was HARD!
beyond not having the set up i needed to be efficient (mouse/keyboard, notepad, all the apps and links and bookmarks, etc), i lost my routines immediately. i didn’t change or brush my teeth before starting work, and i got to that later in the morning or in the afternoon. i felt more afraid of being away from my phone/computer. without super concrete, outside-the-home post-work plans, i was way more willing to just keep working to get more done. i sat in silence — save for some work calls — for the entire work day. and lastly, i was sooooo easily distracted: scrolling on my phone during a meeting, wanting to do other random house/life admin things.
i’m so grateful that my job is fully in person, specifically because my responsibilities require a lot of in-person activities. i’m grateful that i have to leave the house M-F, and that therefore i put some effort into my appearance each day. i’ll be working remotely for a week at the end of april when i’m in colombia, and this was a good trial run to remind myself what that’s like, and to experience it anew with my current job.
discrete chapters
in spending the weekend with CK, and chatting on the phone with AD and JA lately, i’ve been thinking about how they have more place-based, discrete chapters than i do. since we all graduated college in 2020, they’ve each had whole lives, jobs, social circles, and life ecosystems in multiple places where they were more or less starting from scratch. particularly, i’m thinking too that they’ve had different friend groups and social lives specific to each place/time. i’m noticing this because i’m the opposite: since graduating college in 2020, i’ve basically had one continuous life and social ecosystem. i’ve had a trillion jobs, but the broad strokes of my life have mostly stayed unchanged, regarding my location, the people i spend time with, and my hobbies. an earlier version of me realllllyyyyy wanted to live in different places and soak up all the lives to live there, so she’s prob sad i haven’t done it, but current me is chilling with the choices i’ve made.
yesterday, i reconnected with someone i hadn’t seen or spoken with in nearly 2 years. i asked them how they are now different from who they were then, and i also had to answer this question. overall, despite all of the micro chapters i’ve had in the last 2 years, it’s easier for me to think of the ways my life is growing upon itself rather than moving into different directions. but what has actually changed since i last saw them?
what first came to mind was how j dinner is a thing now! i also feel more confident that i can make my dreams come true (working in horticulture, getting this job, reconnecting with family <3). and i care so so much about family now. 2 years ago, my brother was still in college, spending his last semester studying abroad in australia. at that time, i’d just (re)moved out of living at home with my mom. now, with my brother back and living at home, the 3 of us hang out regularly and often. both my immediate + extended families have become a routine and larger part of my life. lastly, i host now! casually, whenever i think of it, for any occasion.
i have sooo many more thoughts swirling around my head on friendship and relationships and intimacy but its taken me toooo long in my sleep deprived zombie state to write this as is…!
happy END OF FEB and START OF MARCH <3 xoxo sue